Giving People Their Stuff Back
2026 was the year that I said I would give everyone their stuff back.
If you’re wondering what that means, it’s exactly what it says.
Dysfunction has a way of obligating us to carry other people’s baggage, hurts, and chaos. We often carry them through our expressions, in the way we communicate, and in how we perceive others.
Over time, this can lead to people-pleasing, high cortisol, and so many other issues. We go on to see conflict as something we should continually avoid. We are trained to think that all conflict is bad rather than learning to build healthy conflict-resolution skills.
Conflict is not inherently bad. The lens through which we perceive it is what’s distorted.
In 2025, when I was preparing to pursue a new endeavor and start a new business, I became enthusiastic. Somewhere along the way, while carrying everyone else’s responsibilities, I had gained back the 30 pounds I had worked so hard to lose. By this time, I had retired from my role as the “family liaison.” I continued taking on the responsibilities of others in hopes of showing my love and support.
I decided to take a step back and allow God to change my viewpoint.
How can I help others cope with the load they won’t take accountability for?
I can help them find the tools they need and teach them what each tool is used for, but whether they use those tools will never be in my control.
And that’s okay.
That’s the part I’ve learned to rest in—the unknown of the outcomes, the hopes we pray for, while trusting that God will do what only He can do.
For so long, I’ve had hopes for the family I came from. Hopes that they would see the world as I did, both spiritually and physically. I’ve come to know that healing and moving forward are only for them if they desire it.
At times, we want to be the light that shows others the way to freedom or a new sense of peace. But in turn, we become the distraction that keeps them stuck.
Giving people “their stuff back” may sound like a foreign concept to those who have been enmeshed in a life of being the go-to person in their family, as well as those who have been taught unhealthy relationship dynamics.
I’ve been in that place one too many times, looking for ways to balance who I’m called to be while supporting those whom I love dearly.
Until I learned that love doesn’t have to be absent of understanding. It’s not always received or honored, but it stands.
First, understand that God doesn’t force us to do anything. Instead, He gives us a choice and loves us still, even when we make the wrong ones.
We must understand this when it comes to our family and friends. We can still love them even when the choices they make don’t align with our lives. This also means we don’t have to take responsibility for choices that aren’t ours.
We have the choice to walk with those we love in healing, or we can allow God to dictate the outcome when someone we love doesn’t take responsibility for their actions.
This can be the biggest punch to the gut when we want to swoop in and save the day. This is where good intentions can become unhealthy patterns. Instead of allowing someone to navigate their mistake or failure, we step in before they’re ever given the opportunity to face it themselves.
This is one of the primary foundations of an unbalanced, dysfunctional dynamic that no one can sustain.
Have you ever said yes to something out of kindness while dismissing your discernment telling you to say no? That’s how it will feel every time you carry something that was never yours to carry.
Remember, love allows change, even when it’s not initiated by us.
Relationships are built on shared foundational values.
We don’t have to be burdened by the problems our loved ones have.
Lastly, it’s okay not to have an answer for every problem. It’s not always your place to figure it out.
Giving people their stuff back isn’t a deep dive into calculus. It’s simply taking the time to say yes intentionally and honestly assessing what you can truly commit to and what you need to prioritize.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Am I being manipulated to step in out of guilt?
- Is God giving me instruction to step in?
- Is this situation calling me to action, or is it calling me to pray?
- Does this relationship bring me closer to God or further away from Him?
This is just a starting point to help you begin making the right choices for the life God has given you.
Maybe spend some time in prayer this week, or even journal.
We are called to be servants of God on this earth, but that doesn’t mean you have to surrender your authority to people or situations that misuse or take advantage of it. Ask of the Lord, and you shall receive His wisdom.
My prayer and declaration for you is a full and healthy life through all its transitions.
May you receive this in love 💜
-LOVE FAITH💜